Fun with Ferns

Jack couldn't—no, refused—to go outside because of the rain; rain that he'd sat in before waiting for Chase to come home, and found the experience horrible enough not to bother trying it again. Chase's other cats all had something to do or were napping, and Jack had learned long ago that disturbing a tiger's nap was not recommended, no matter how bored you were or how enticing it was to smack its tail.

Jack meowed at the door, hoping Chase would magically appear if he yowled loud enough. Five minutes later, Jack had given up and was strolling down the long corridors of Chase's lair, poking his head in random rooms to see if any of the evil everlord's servants were free to play. That's when he saw it: A rather unspectacular fern sitting at the end of the hall and this close to the outdoors, Jack could hear the rain pounding against whatever barrier it met. Large yellow eyes stared pleased at the ceiling that was keeping out the rain for a moment before dropping down to the fern. The planter it was in was deep, and curiosity struck Jack, goading him into asking himself exactly how deep the pot was.

Leaping neatly onto the pot's rim, Jack ducked underneath the leaves that spread like an umbrella over the dirt the fern sat in. The kitten regarded the soil blankly for a few seconds before sliding a paw across it, shoving a small amount of dirt to the side. Then, with an unexplained vigor, Jack began to dig.

---

Jack had made a sizable hole when Chase got home. Poking his head out of the pot, he looked widely down the hall, ears twitching as his sixth sense kicked in. The same sense that told all cats that yes, someone is now around to coddle you. Leaping from the planter, Jack trotted into a sitting room; mewling happily when he spotted Chase just flopping down into one of the armchairs. Bounding over, Jack was in the everlord's lap before Chase was properly settled.

Chase automatically lifted a hand to pet the small cat but paused, causing Jack to look up at him with questioning eyes. "You're filthy." Jack immediately looked at his paws. He was dirty. Then, the kitten tensed and sprang from Chase's lap, scrambling onto another chair. Already, he was formulating a plan to get out of having a bath. Baths meant soap and if possible, being soapy and wet was worse than being just plain wet. Before Jack could get further, though, Chase had grabbed him and Jack dug his claws into the chair's arm. If Chase meant to get him in a tub, the everlord was going to have to take the armchair with him.

Suddenly, the pulling stopped and Jack opened his eyes, blinking twice when he didn't recall closing them. Chase's hands had never left him and the man had taken advantage of Jack's wonderment to physically yank the cat's claws free of the chair upholstery.

"Must this always be a battle?" Chase growled, as Jack yowled and clawed at the air, trying to find purchase on something as he was lifted up and away from his anchor. The kitten's left paw shot out and claws caught the edge of the chair's back. Jack let out a mewl of triumph, wriggling forward a bit to catch hold of the chair with his right paw as well. A sound yank from Chase pried him loose and Jack was yowling again—hoping if he complained enough the evil everlord would drop the whole idea of a bath.

It was highly unlikely, though: Chase liked things clean. And why wouldn't he? After all, Jack had categorized Chase Young and scrub brushes both under evil. Above him, Chase hissed a stern "Be quiet!" and Jack shut up and fell limp. If wearing his lungs out wasn't going to work… Jack contemplated the hallway Chase was currently carrying him through; he had been down it often enough to know the library was close by. Sure, Chase would kill him if he got any of the scrolls in there dirty, but the kitten knew several places beneath the shelves that he could hide in. Now, there was only the problem of getting to the library…

Jack meowed an apology and twisted in Chase's grasp so he could sink his teeth into the man's glove. It was more the suddenness of the action than the pain that made Chase drop the cat, but Jack didn't care—tearing off down the hall the instant his feet touched the ground. Skidding around a corner, the kitten was so intent on gauging how far behind him Chase was that Jack never saw the panther that was ambling down the corridor until he smacked into one of her large paws.

Shaking his head to regain focus, Jack stared hugely up at the other cat as she regarded him curiously, and then leaned down and picked him up in her mouth. Jack let out an indignant mewl as he was lifted off the ground and unceremoniously carted back to the very man he'd been trying to get away from. The nerve of her! Siding with Chase over him! A fellow feline!

Chase murmured a thank you to the panther as she passed him the glowering kitten. He made a mental note to remember her name. It would go on a list he had created called “Jack Retrievers”; a list he’d found necessary to create after a lion had plopped the kitten (who was then covered in soot from rolling about in the ashes of one of the fireplaces) at Chase's feet. At the rate Jack needed baths, all of Chase's warriors would know what the kitten tasted like. Said kitten was now squirming in the everlord's grip. Chase growled; this entire affair was becoming frustrating at best.

"Don't even think it," Chase said evenly when Jack started twisting to bite him again. Jack went limp and hung his head dejectedly. Then, he lifted his head to look up at the man carrying him and let out a dejected mewl, staring up at Chase with large, pleading eyes. Chase didn't even spare him a glance.

---

Bathrooms: The one place you would never find Jack if he had a say in anything. But, he didn't have a say in anything and now the kitten was attempting to scratch an escape route through the door while Chase hunted down Jack's shampoo. Jack was just making progress when Chase plucked him up again and Jack watched in despair as all his hard work was fixed in an instant. This was bad… this was really bad.

"Stop acting like I'm going to drown you, " Chase snapped at the kitten when Jack began to attempt a climb up the man's arm. The arm guard Chase wore was affording no purchase and all that came of the venture was an annoying clicking and scraping sound. "Jack." The warning tone was lost on the feline, who had stretched out to catch the edge of the arm guard and was now hauling himself out of Chase's grip. Chase sighed, grabbing the scruff of Jack's neck and unceremoniously dropping the bewildered creature into the tub.

Jack came up to the surface with a loud yowl, swimming for the edge of the tub. Heck, at this point, he would have clambered over the edge of a cliff if it meant getting away from the horrible wet that was around him. He didn't need this!  He could bathe himself! Jack had just made it to the edge of the tub before Chase shoved him back in the water, having taken the time while Jack was still floundering to remove his gloves and arm guards. Holding Jack so the kitten could breathe, Chase began working most of the dirt out of the kitten's coat. The sensation would have been enjoyable if Jack wasn't so hung up on planning a desperate escape. But, before anything else, he had to get out of the tub.

His chance came when Chase reached over for the shampoo. Jack jerked out of Chase's hold and hauled himself over the edge of the tub, landing ungracefully on the floor with a wet smack. Not taking the time to shake off the excess water that was already coming off him in droves, Jack ran for a corner. The plan was simple: Sit in the corner and hiss and spit and claw if Chase came near. The evil everlord would probably banish him from his lap, but Jack knew how to worm his way back into Chase's good graces. Jack never made it to the corner.

Chase had had enough—enough of Jack's complaining and enough of the cat's clawing and escape attempts. Snapping his fingers, the everlord paralyzed the kitten before going over and picking up the living statue. 'I should have done this in the first place,' Chase thought bitterly.

---

Jack was clean. There was a fern that needed to be replanted, there were paw prints up and down a few halls and pieces of furniture, and a few minor tears in the arm of one of the armchairs of Chase's favorite sitting room. Chase had had to repair scratches made to his right arm guard and a bathroom door and he'd been bitten. The damn cat was clean, though. Said cat was curled up fluffily by the hearth in Chase's bedroom, purring rather loudly. Outside, it was still raining lightly; by morning it would stop and Chase wouldn't have to deal with the kitten until the afternoon when Jack came in for lunch.  Chase paused at the thought and made a mental note not to let Jack out tomorrow. The kitten had a dreadful habit of playing in mud.